Ceremony: fierce love and infinite honor
After 5 miscarriages – 3 officially logged by medical professionals and 2 gone before I could even get in the door – I’ve just been trained to believe that longing and isolation are the expected norm. It’s What We Do. We buck up. We soldier on.
We deserve so much more. We are due so much more. I know that now.
Samantha and I talked for almost two hours, huddled up on my couch on a hot afternoon. Mostly we talked about how utterly the medical system fails women whose pregnancies do not result in full-term births and healthy babies. She asked me how I thought that system should serve women, and I’m a social justice activist and a community mental health organizer so I had tons of political shit to say. But she knew and I knew that my rage and passion for change was, while legitimately describing a massively fucked-up deficit, really an explosive cover for my own hunger and sorrow. When I finally simmered it down to the truth, I wanted this: To feel like my babies and my pregnancies mattered, to feel as valid a woman as any other, and to have my body treated with the fierce love and infinite honor that I have been unable to show it.
The above is an excerpt from a blog post written by a miscarriage support client of mine several years ago called “The Closing of The Bones”.
The Closing of The Bones, Mikvah, Keening, & Miuko Kuyo are among the ceremonies included in my Miscarriage & Abortion Support e-course. Students are encouraged to explore rituals from their own lineage & take care to respect these diverse offerings with appreciation rather than appropriation. We find richness & ceremony all over the world across cultures meant to honor times of transition.
Ceremony is one way we can treat bodies “with the fierce love and infinite honor” they deserve after a miscarriage or abortion.
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